Smoked Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings (with Sriracha Mayo)

One of my biggest obstacles to succeeding at a low carb diet… is onion rings.

Actually, I guess it’s my laziness and unpreparedness and love of completely shitty nutrient-void food, combined with the availability of fast food chains in my area.  I get snacky, but don’t feel like cooking, much less washing dishes in order to actually place food on them.  If I’m at home, I end up just crying myself to sleep or something, because the super-small town I live in doesn’t have any fast food restaurants.  If I’m visiting my husband, however, I get really excited, excited enough to even put on pants, because the sweet scent of rancid deep-fryer oil and grade-F meat emanates from Kitimat’s downtown core, only a few kilometres away. 

So I hop in my car — the only nearby drive-thrus are Tim Horton’s, Dairy Queen and A&W.  Two out of the three restaurant chains serve burgers, which I can eat bunless, and thus adhere to my diet with no issues.  Two out of three ALSO serve onion rings.  I love onion rings.  Onion rings are not low in carbs and generally should not be eaten if you value health.  Apparently I do not care and also have poor impulse control.  Bad decisions tend to happen in the drive-thru lane.

LUCKILY FOR ME, my friend Nicole just found this crazy link to this amazing-looking recipe.  We both enjoy barbecuing and bacon, and also I was sitting right next to her and probably talking about bacon at that very moment, because I am a conversational wizard.  So it just seemed natural that she should send it to me.  I looked at it and said, “this should go on my blog.”  Then I had to explain to her that my blog is pretty basic and is pretty much involves just me posting links to other blogs, hoping for people as hapless and lazy as me to stumble over them eventually while they desperately search the internet for ways to stave off their irresponsible yet irrepressible drive-through cravings.  But really, this blog is so much more than random and poorly described links with no pictures (because I’m afraid of copyright infringement).  IT IS A BEACON OF HOPE for those of us who need to make low-carb food that tastes good but who don’t understand what a food processor is, and aren’t willing to special order weird, expensive ingredients like coconut manna, stevia, and xanthan gum.

So that is where the bacon-wrapped onion ring comes in — an amazing substitute for my snack nemesis.  And you can make it yourself without special equipment or obscure ingredients — no need to go to go to a specialty store (or A&W).  So brilliant, so simple.  Why did I not think of this before?  Possibly because the lack of carbohydrates is affecting my brain function and now my body is eating it’s own tissue to survive.  Just kidding!  It’s because, on the best and most neurologically functioning of days, the limit of my creativity pretty much extends to putting googly eyes on my boss’s office supplies.  I have no time to think about such trivial matters as feeding myself, much less precious minutes to spend on making my meals not be soul crushing and disgusting.  That’s why I rely so heavily on the internet recipes of strangers to make life worth living.

Also, this blog looks really cool, and currently Nicole and I are using it to explore all things barbecue.  Hurray!

You can grill, bake, or probably even hot-smoke these — no need for a deep fryer.



Have a look at this post on Killing Thyme entitled “Cheese Boards: Let’s Appreciate.”   Basically, her construction of the perfect cheese board combines all of my favourite foods in one platter of amazingness. It’s worth a look if you are planning for a party and want to serve a low-carb appetizer… or if you’re like me and would like to elevate your snacking a little bit beyond just breaking hunks off a log of cheddar you found at the back of the fridge.

With age (and over a decade of being an on-again, off-again smoker) my taste buds have definitely changed. I used to prefer only the mildest of mozzarella or even processed “cheese food”. Now, I can enjoy pungent bleus and crumbling, tart aged cheddar just as much as dessert-like cranberry-studded sweetened goat cheese. But my favourites will always exist in the “new” realm — whether on a low carb diet or not, a super mild and creamy blob of mascarpone or buffalo mozzarella is better than any dessert.

Cauliflower Cream Sauce

I’m SO JAZZED to try this (yes, this is one of the rare occasions I repost a recipe that I haven’t tried to make myself). Mostly because it would be perfect to use as a sauce if you were doing a low-carb PSMF — throw it on some shiritaki noodles and BAM! Delicious. Even if you’re just doing a regular ol’ low carb diet or more conventional way of eating, there’s pretty much no reason you can’t incorporate this recipe into your life for added vegetables, reduced fat and extra zazz. (Unless you hate small amounts of butter, and if that is true, you have much bigger problems.)

Prosciutto-Wrapped Asparagus

So, I had some asparagus, and I had some prosciutto. I then decided I SHOULD PUT THE TWO TOGETHER. I must have seen the recipe somewhere before, because it turns out I’m not exactly original, and there are a ton of recipes for this exact thing. (Maybe it’s just that pork products and vegetables go so well that I just instinctively knew it would be amazing.) But I picked this one from CHOW for the following reasons:

I like the website. I can always rely on them for sweet recipes, discussions about how to cook bizarre things, how to season a cast-iron pan, any cooking technique you could ever need to know… I would happily refer my friends to CHOW for any food-related question.
It’s a simple recipe. No need for me to make a a beurre blanc sauce, or track down cheeses that I’ve never heard of. It literally has three ingredients (well, five ingredients, if you count salt and pepper). Very little prep time, very little cook time, A LOT OF AWESOME TIME.
It’s dairy free. I saw several recipes that required some form of mild, creamy cheese for this dish. That’s great and all, but I wanted you to know it’s gonna be awesome without any dairy at all. Plus, you can make your own cheese decisions! I only have mozzarella, feta and goat cheese in the fridge right now, but I’m confident I could put any of those on this dish and it would still be spectacular.
It doesn’t link to any particular lifestyle or “way of eating” website. If you’re reading this, I’m sure you have your reasons for adopting a low carb diet (or at least needing some recipes to impress LC family or friends). There are many different “belief systems” within the low-carb world, some more strict than others. I don’t really want to link to a site that espouses views that I think are unhealthy, obsessive or cultlike, no matter how good the recipe is.

Anyway, I currently have some asparagus of my own getting all crispy and porked up! It smells great. I’ma eat that now and let you imagine how much fun I’m having.

Easy Garlic Broiled Chicken

I am making this right now and the delicious smells are making everyone slobber. It has only been in the oven for like five minutes and packs of stray dogs and teenagers are hanging out in front of the windows trying to catch a peek into the kitchen… I made this soy sauce shit and poured it all over some chicken thighs. I left the skin on so it will become crispy and super awesome. DO IT RIGHT NOW.

Oopsie Rolls

This is a low carb staple for many people who have tried Atkins or accessed a web forum ever. In fact, this is probably the only bread substitute worth trying. The author of this website, known as “Cleochatra” in some interwebs circles, took Dr. Atkin’s “revolution rolls” and made it into something sublime. Go. Click on the page. See how it looks draped coyly on the innards of a Baconator like some sexy, egg-encrusted piece of lingerie.